Humor |

Cyberbionics



If today's graphic designer expects to be around tomorrow, every job's got to be done yesterday. So to keep up with the competition I’ve got to complete the work before the client even calls to tell me about it. That’s why the smart graphic designer uses Cyberbionic Technology! And I do too! We Graphic Designers miss the good old days when a dissatisfied client could be appeased by simply saying something like: “Oh well the virtual memory of the 64 bit parallel SCSI in that font wasn’t compatible with the USB hypertext mark-up languange of your URL's WYSWIG.” No, today’s clients are not only demanding and critical, they're also smart. They know when they're being handed a load of bull flop.

Enter The Cyberbionic Graphic Designer, just enough face to social network on Facebook yet equipped with the speed, precision and skill of a machine. Sure, the surgically implanted USB ports and dental DIMMs are painful but that’s what I get the rock-bottom fees for.

Cyberbionic Technology

Here are just a few of the state-of the-art devices I use to blow the other monkeys out of the water.

Design-O-Matic, Layout Wizard® Using taste and style algorythms this 27-in-34 artist in a box decides the colors, sizes, arrangement of elements, even the photos on the page! Set any style of design from Steam Punk to 80's Grunge to Neuvo Retro to just plain lousy!

 

 

 

 

 

Deadline-Queen, Production Time Extractor® All you do is: 1. deliver the finished job to the satisfied customer, 2 dial up the deadline, feed in the job specs, other peoples similar work, and the Deadline Queen did the rest hours ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 Insta-text 2000® Skill that is literary no more you need to have because this aforementioned thing already did! Telling it you want what and does it the rest. Not more struggling on top of grammar, sentence assembly, nor not muss and not the fuss either. This wrote this is a fact!

 

 Plus I’ve got Typo-B-Gone® instant Mistake Eradicator spray! And Liquid Editor®, It’s like having an experienced publishing expert in a bottle! Just pour Liquid Editor over your ad copy or manuscript and everything that sucks disappears!

 So next time you haven't thought of calling a graphic designer yet, check your inbox, there's probably an email from me letting you know it's done.

 


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